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Europe is start­ing to reopen. So as not to be left behind in tourism and com­merce, we must be down to less than 5 000 Covid cas­es per day. There­fore, I am call­ing on your sense of sac­ri­fice in the com­ing days.”

Thus spake Tayyip in pres­i­den­tial stance, regard­ing Covid and our sick econ­o­my in dire need of tourists to fill the gap left by van­ished gobs of cur­ren­cy. It would also be a shame if Covid were to spoil the 2023 fes­tiv­i­ties, yes?

Voilà ce que vient d’an­non­cer Tayyip, avec une pos­ture prési­den­tielle, à pro­pos du Covid et de notre économie malade, qui aurait bien besoin de touristes, pour combler le trou des devis­es qui se sont volatil­isées. Ce serait aus­si dom­mage que ce Covid gâche aus­si les fes­tiv­ités de 2023 non ?

So he con­tin­ued with the announce­ment of a “train of mea­sures”: con­fined to our neigh­bor­hoods, except for quick shop­ping for­ays in those shops that will not be closed — who knows which ones — no more trav­el­ling inside the coun­try and… an alco­hol-free diet, among a host of oth­er mea­sures I for­get. Safe­ty dis­tanc­ing is main­tained, of course. As we all know, in Turkey, secu­ri­ty is a sacred issue.

covid alcool erdogan

Young peo­ple, alco­hol is for­bid­den. Hugs & Kiss­es! R. Tayyip
I’m jok­ing, hugs & kiss­es are also for­bid­den!”
(Cov­er on the satir­i­cal week­ly, Penguen)

What with Ramadan, you already get looked at side­ways for a beer, now it will car­ry a 300 euro fine, straight off, for any alco­holic enjoy­ment what­so­ev­er, as well as for a breath of fresh air with­out a good excuse. And the Reis adds that this will pre­vail until May 17th.

So, he’s expect­ing to low­er the fever in 17 days, to under 5 000 cas­es, while, at the same time, we are told there are 60 000 new cas­es dai­ly. On a total of 83 mil­lion peo­ple, almost 40 000 have died  offi­cial­ly and with­out fan­fare from Covid. Am I wrong in think­ing that Europe is also ahead of us on that score? Mis­cre­ants die first, this is a well known fact. And those Mus­lims who die any­way, all go to par­adise where host­esses await them, minus alco­holic bev­er­ages, of course.

All right, I’m vac­ci­nat­ed thanks to a Chi­nese cousin who was wan­der­ing on the Silk Road, but this is far from being the case for every­one. And still, I’m denied a drink. As I write this, it seems that 13,3 mil­lion peo­ple have received their first dose and 8 mil­lion have received both, like me. We’re await­ing the sec­ond pas­sage from the Chi­nese fel­low, but also from an Amer­i­can. Putin is late and is ignor­ing us these days. We’ll have to con­tent our­selves with his S 400s.

Is an alco­hol pro­hi­bi­tion tru­ly rea­son­able? In fact, what you prob­a­bly don’t know is that, over here, alco­hol is already not avail­able in a num­ber of shops and that those that sell some are pre­cise­ly on the list of the famous “non essen­tials”. There’s one prob­lem solved. Since meet­ings were already pro­hib­it­ed for the break­ing of the fast, those of us who don’t fast will also have to do without.

And there I was think­ing Covid and bore­dom were sol­u­ble in alco­hol. If that’s the case, I won’t even buy cologne water any­more. Already, we’re doing with soap from Aleppo.

I set down my glass, please hold my order for two more.

 


Translation by Renée Lucie Bourges
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