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Here I am, half-vac­ci­nat­ed. I’m look­ing out for side effects because I’ve been warned that the vac­cine is from China.

I’ve read a lot of the Euro­pean lit­er­a­ture on the top­ic of vac­cines and I have the impres­sion that a lot of those who’ve had a fear of injec­tions since they were small dis­guise this fright behind spe­cious argu­ments. Accord­ing to plot-fueled com­ments, my genome should soon be replaced by that of a pan­golin after which I will be eat­en by a mandarin.

I have only fif­teen viable days left before my cur­rent incar­na­tion gets recalled.

All right, my teas­ing side is tak­ing over. And, in any event, the Chi­nese vac­cine does not con­tain a mes­sen­ger, noth­ing but a sub­lim­i­nal mes­sage say­ing it has slipped into Turkey through the rustling of the “Silk Road”, no doubt in antic­i­pa­tion of com­mis­sions on future contracts.

Because more than pan­golins tails, there is a mat­ter of the wings of eco­nom­ic diplo­ma­cy. In Russ­ian or in Chi­nese, when in Turkey, it’s “I’ll scratch your back if you’ll scratch mine” in these days of eco­nom­ic crisis.

Any­way, I want­ed to pre­serve myself from a nasty viral meet­ing. We’ll see. At my age, Lao Tseu can only give judi­cious advice. “When fear is not on guard, the fear­some occurs.”

In some Euro­pean coun­tries, aged politi­cians were vac­ci­nat­ed to give an exam­ple. In France, there was a cer­tain Moricette who was the first per­son vac­ci­nat­ed (a name I had nev­er heard before). Over here, we had an old grey wolf, the dishev­elled kind, the Pres­i­dent of the ultra nation­al­ist and Kemal­ist MHP Party.

A colum­nist so hap­pened to attempt a bit of fun of the old grey­ish lupus and pub­lished a fake news with quite an impact. In the humor pages of a media it was writ­ten that “Gül­naz Şırın­ga, the nurse who had vac­ci­nat­ed Devlet Bahçeli was attacked and beat­en up by a group for hav­ing been heavy-hand­ed.” A naive tv per­son­al­i­ty then read this among oth­er news on screen.

A rather stu­pid joke, you under­stand, and so out of char­ac­ter too. Well, not real­ly. Every­one knows what a sense of humor Bahçeli has, yes? What is the expres­sion? “A humor­ous as a jail door”? You could­n’t express it any better.

No one would have heard the first thing about it if the gaunt nation­al­ist had not brought up the mat­ter in Par­lia­ment dur­ing his group’s speak­ing peri­od. Yes, at the Par­lia­ment! As if this were a mat­ter of State.

In pre­vi­ous weeks, he was already denounc­ing jour­nal­ists by name for com­ments he had­n’t liked, and called for sanc­tions against them. The fact is he is the sig­na­to­ry of the pow­er alliance between the AKP and the MHP — and as long as he’ll remain stand­ing — the regime will pro­tect him.
In this case, the sec­ondary effects of the vac­cine may con­sist of send­ing before a tri­bunal a jour­nal­ist who want­ed to make a joke.

And we don’t have many jour­nal­ists left.

Between those who write on orders, those who express the wish­es of the Reis before he does so him­self, those who pho­to­graph our local fad­ing stars and pay atten­tion to the slight­est fart favor­able to the regime, there are only a hand­ful left of qua­si clan­des­tines who are bare­ly paid. Here again, I’m exag­ger­at­ing. Because there remain medias whose pro­fes­sion it is to invent the void between two eruc­ta­tions from the Pres­i­dent, next to some saved ones in abeyance, who owe their sal­va­tion sole­ly to our phoney oppo­si­tion or because they are vac­ci­nat­ed against judi­cial prob­lems, see­ing the num­ber of times they have been saved through appeals. So there are still a few jour­nal­ists remain­ing, between two tri­als and one inquest for “pro­pa­gan­da”, who will pay the cost of the Pow­er­ful one’s anger.

Like a tooth­less mouth, the Turk­ish media reveals a panora­ma in which the craters caused by the clos­ings fight it out with the absences caused by self-cen­sor­ship. Here and there, you find a fake tooth in order to cre­ate the illu­sion of a free press. As a result, open­ing the mouth becomes so ugly that every­body shuts up, save for a few rare exceptions.

And these excep­tions are the ones still being chased down by the pack of grey­ish lupus. But I’ve just noticed that I should say “can­is lupus” because “lupus” is a dis­ease, the reac­tion of a body attack­ing its own self. But what else do these ultra-nation­al­ists do when they go on mak­ing the social body sick by attack­ing it for a cen­tu­ry, yes­ter­day in uni­form, today under Ottoman disguise.

And for this, there is still no vaccine.

Illus­tra­tion: “Ardif”

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