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Erdoğan and the Euro­pean Union are aboard a boat. The EU falls into the water. What is left? …“Migrants”.

On tele­vi­sion, the Reis huffed and puffed against Europe and the French Pres­i­dent. “Do the French peo­ple know the price they will have to pay because of their venal and incom­pe­tent lead­ers?” he asked.

No, no, he tru­ly said “the French peo­ple”. And yet the mes­sage applied so well to Turkey. I leave to the French the con­cern of remain­ing French and of see­ing for them­selves that, indeed, when it comes to venal and incom­pe­tent lead­ers, those char­ac­ter­is­tics are well shared across the world; but…

The price to pay”? Which one, that of gas? We already know that and when win­ter will arrive, I know many peo­ple who will think twice before using it.

But, appar­ent­ly, all this is about to change.

The Reis had already said so when he inau­gu­rat­ed the pipeline with Putin. Yet, we’re still wait­ing, and the curve on the Turk­ish lira appears to be the only thing that has flared out.

Except this time, it is the surest of sure things. The Gas Will Rise out of the sea.

bateau

Of course, this will call for a few accom­mo­da­tions because, accord­ing to inter­na­tion­al laws, the gas hap­pens to belong to the neigh­bor.

But all right, the neigh­bors are Greeks which is a good thing since we’ve always been ene­mies. So pre­pare for com­bat, call up Mustafa Kemal and the whole trea­sure chest of rec­ol­lec­tions of bat­tles and of sal­va­tion for the home­land through pogroms. The fiends won’t get their hands on this gas, believe you me.

There is a tiny island, a few kilo­me­ters by boats off the Turk­ish coasts, a qui­et lit­tle place until a few years ago which is now cov­ered in Greek flags fac­ing coast guard speed­boats draped in flags bear­ing the Cres­cent. It is called the island of Kastel­lori­zo. Find a map and you will see. Look care­ful­ly, the spot is cov­ered in islands. This one is the fur­thest off from the Greek coast and the clos­est to Turkey. Not so long ago, its trades­men cov­ered the 5 kilo­me­ters to attend the mar­ket of Kas, just across the water.

For those who still can’t find it, it’s in the Province of Antalya, the for­mer pre-pan­dem­ic tourist paradise.

Well, this is where the con­ti­nen­tal shelf is pur­port­ed to be filled with gas. And – bad luck of the draw – the island was part of the great treaty trade-offs at the end of the Ottoman Empire so that, on paper, the Greeks are at home there. The waters imme­di­ate­ly turn murky when the ques­tion aris­es who gets to touch the bot­tom. Just watch: soon this win­ter, they will tell us that the price of gas has gone up because of this con­flict. Mean­while, the pipeline can sit by the side­lines and bite its own tail.

Tough, if I’m cold, I’ll go sleep on the rugs inside Hagia Sophia, they say it is open to every­one. Proof of Ottoman secularism.

Enough with the jokes, because this lit­tle busi­ness about a boat the Reis brings up at each of his pub­lic inter­ven­tions could end up smelling of pow­der and mus­tard gas. Which is exact­ly what he is aim­ing for, along with the tons of mon­ey sleep­ing under the sea.

It’s as if the Reis was already run­ning an elec­toral cam­paign, alone against all, at the front of the ship. What do you call that fig­ure carved there, brav­ing the waves ?

I said ‘alone’, but not real­ly. Because this actor of the Titan­ic-for-all plays the good bud­dy when it suits him. This time, with Putin, this oth­er time with the Amer­i­can clown (no, not the one at Mac­Don­ald’s, the oth­er one), some­times, even with the Ira­ni­ans. He’s care­ful not to invite them all at the same time, but he has their phone num­bers. This is how he can con­tin­ue cul­ti­vat­ing Jihadists in Syr­ia, just as he does in Libya, call the French Macron a colo­nial­ist and main­tain the illu­sion of an Ottoman dream. This is also how he can flex his mus­cles and throw migrants over­board… any time he wants.

So, this lit­tle ship that’s set to sea, sound­ing the con­ti­nen­tal shelf, the oth­ers escort­ing the traf­fic in weapons using the NATO radio fre­quen­cies, will they be car­ry­ing the famous “price to pay”, tomor­row?

I sense they will be made of rub­ber instead, owned by Turk­ish smug­glers, prefer­ably, and that this is what will be at the core of dis­cus­sions dur­ing a meet­ing orga­nized by the EU to sig­nal the end of the recess.

So, will old Europe give in to the Neo-Ottoman yet again? Will it go on facil­i­tat­ing the domes­tic alliances in Turkey between Kemal­ist nation­al­ists, ultras from the Grey Wolves and busi­ness-mind­ed big­ots from the AKP, in order to cel­e­brate a vic­to­ry against the exter­nal ene­my? Is Ger­many prepar­ing to qui­eten Greece by pre­tend­ing to relieve some of the pres­sure on its intern­ment camps for refugees?

I’ve reached the point of regret­ting the days when talk of gas meant tear gas and when youth in Turkey promised oth­er things than mil­i­ta­riza­tion, and want­ed to make the rot­ten and greedy lead­ers in this coun­try “pay the price”.


Translation by Renée Lucie Bourges 
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