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One of your well-known mous­tached ones, con­sid­ered as an anar­chist of French song, once com­mit­ted a tune that said, more or less “dying for ideas, OK, but…” Anoth­er great one sang “Dying, big deal, but…” Let’s stop at that, I’m being seri­ous here.

I come from Ana­to­lia and not from Sète or from Bel­gium, and I am an Istan­bul res­i­dent because a cer­tain lad­der you call “social” brought me all the way here.

No, I’m not one of those who fled mis­ery and came look­ing for for­tune, build­ing in a sin­gle night those sheet-met­al shacks that last­ed for decades in Istan­bul’s work­ing class sub­urbs. My fam­i­ly ben­e­fit­ed from a sta­tus which allowed it to sur­vive and take advan­tage of the Kemal­ist repub­li­can sys­tem that built its schools and formed “the Nation’s elite”. I did­n’t choose that either.

On thing lead­ing to anoth­er, my sis­ters and I man­aged to climb aboard the right train car­riages of already deceased Atatürk. This is why his por­trait has stayed up on the wall for a good part of my fam­i­ly. No mess­ing around with the mem­o­ry of the man with the bon­net who brought stud­ies, a source of income and mem­ber­ship in Istan­bul’s well-off bour­geoisie.

I’ve since thrown the bon­net over the fence.

I’m telling you all this because I must explain to myself an anger that came over me these past few days.

Young Kurds, boys and girls, com­mit­ted sui­cide in jail.

Those who have been read­ing me for a while know what I think of the jails in my prison. The jails have not changed much as the pow­ers suc­ceed­ed one anoth­er over the cen­tu­ry. And between the eight­ies and today, so-caled lay mil­i­tary men act­ing as rather big­ot­ed lead­ers of the choir have tak­en in, iso­lat­ed, tor­tured gen­er­a­tions of detainees, more often than not Kur­dish, but not only, lead­ing them into unimag­in­able forms of resistance.

These gaols were meant to “straight­en out”, break down the resister, assim­i­lat­ed with a ter­ror­ist, because he/she defied the State and dreamt of anoth­er world.

Extreme resis­tance through hunger strikes led to deaths, life­time hand­i­caps fol­low­ing lengthy hunger strikes to the death, and ulti­mate means of strug­gle in jail.

I admit hav­ing stayed away from those strug­gles in the past because, as we say here, I am a White Turk from the West. The “pride to be a Turk”, the oath tak­en in school, serve as a hal­ter and blink­ers you don’t rid your­self as eas­i­ly as you remove them from a horse return­ing to the stable.

And yet today, I under­stand and sup­port this hunger strike by Ley­la Güven, even if my sup­port remains vir­tu­al by neces­si­ty. Noth­ing would force me to sup­port it any more than my next door neigh­bor does. My only oblig­a­tion is love of life, of liv­ing beings, of nature and its human beings, and the feel­ing of injus­tice. Her strike is legitimate.

Yes, it is because human bio­di­ver­si­ty is so wide­spread on the lands where it is denied that a Kurd is my sis­ter in human­i­ty. And if my sto­ry is dif­fer­ent, becom­ing aware that it is entwined in hers becomes a duty, like that of acknowl­edg­ing that this Repub­lic has grown on the dried bones of a geno­cide, and that is all I need to know.

And even if I think that offer­ing up one’s body to the tor­tur­er, emp­ty­ing it of its life day after day, is an ulti­mate action that might result in noth­ing oth­er than snig­ger­ing from the pow­ers-that-be, you can­not dis­miss and remain indif­fer­ent to the giv­ing up of a life in order to gain the right to live. These hunger strik­ers call out through the ongo­ing tor­ture inflict­ed on their bod­ies, as oth­ers did before them who won, at times.

But young Kurds, boys and girls, com­mit­ted sui­cide in jail.

To that, just as Ley­la Güven her­self, I can­not sub­scribe… Because this appeal to death, to fig­ur­ing in the pan­theon of mar­tyrs at such a young age, has noth­ing to do with the bet­ter and future life they defend. Dying for a God reminds me of ISIS, and I’ve devel­oped an aller­gy to mar­ty­rol­o­gy, which strikes me as con­trary to the strug­gle for life. This is only my opin­ion, that of some­one who receives calls for support.

And if tomor­row, the Reis in his cyn­i­cism declares he need­ed space in the jails for the upcom­ing waves of arrests, and that these sui­cides strikes him as insuf­fi­cient still, I will cry of rage…

It is the bat­tle for life that unites us all, beyond our place of birth.

The one that divides us is the bat­tle for death, through tor­ture, wars, mas­sacres. Black death must remain on the State’s side, it is not the weapon of the oppressed. There are bat­tles where one can be forced to die, stand­ing up and fac­ing the oppres­sor. The women led those strug­gles in Syr­ia and on the Kur­dish lands. Sui­cide is not a com­bat. Would it lead to think­ing that the hunger strik­ers are less “rad­i­cal”?

Those who tor­ture their body would be con­sid­ered fight­ers cheat­ing with sac­ri­fice in the name of their polit­i­cal leader? Ley­la Güven’s strug­gle is at its 150th day, and does not call on death but is meant as a wake-up call to the living.

Who am I to say all this? Per­haps one of those to whom these sui­cides are addressed? For the pow­ers don’t hear them, that much is cer­tain. Whether they be Euro­peans or home-grown. And I’m not talk­ing about a bal­cony from which waves a flag, but of mine only where I’ve always refuse to dis­play one.

I know I will receive a burst of mur­der­ous crit­i­cism. I am writ­ing this on a computer…But at my age, and after hav­ing crossed close to a cen­tu­ry in Turkey, I am nei­ther one to teach lessons nor a Mamie ‘know-it-all”. I’m sim­ply try­ing to under­stand why these young­sters, so nec­es­sary to the Kur­dish move­ment and to the future, think their tor­tur­er will be dis­ap­point­ed by not doing the job himself.

I under­stand even less how, this Newroz bare­ly over, they do not put their trust in the girl from Kawa, and choose a guilt-induc­ing sac­ri­fice about which their ene­mies could­n’t care less. But who will final­ly hear the cry “stop the deaths!”

In clos­ing, I ask myself about my own death. Who would it dis­turb? Oth­er than to make all my rel­a­tives cry, some­thing they real­ly don’t need.


Translation by Renée Lucie Bourges
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